Did you ever question any of your habits and attitudes that do not make your life easier? I, for that matter, have plenty of issues under revision.
Why is it so hard to break with attitudes, certain behaviour or habits even if we have full knowledge of them having no benefit to us or worse doing us harm? There is so much advice around still we seem to be unable to make the adaptations we should.
So, I ventured out to find the best advice- I choose from the best because they should now best!
- TRAINING THE IDEA MUSCLE
- WISDOM IS ASKING
- RISE ABOVE THE SITUATION
- EVERYBODY IS FAKING IT
- YOU ARE GOING TO BE OK
- STOP BEING BUSY ALL THE TIME
#1 Training the idea muscle
Write down 10 ideas every day on a pad or scrapbook, which you divide into two columns. Allocate a specific time of day for this routine and make this part of your everyday routine. The topic is really irrelevant, be spontaneous, write down whatever comes to your mind. The idea could relate this to something you have to take at work, a problem a family member or friend has, a book you like to write or any other issue which jumps spontaneously to your mind and needs an idea to find a solution.
With this exercise this you will develop confidence in producing ideas on demand. Now, you might ask what if I can’t come up with an idea? This will only happen if you put too much pressure on yourself, you will not produce a single idea because something inside yourself tells you not to do it because there is danger.
Perfectionism is the arch-enemy of ideas because your brain will always try to prevent you from the embarrassment and harm, the possibility of coming up with something stupid or embarrassing. This is a bit of a vicious circle because your brain shuts off, and you either invariably come up with a stupid idea, or none at all. You will feel even more embarrassed and your brain signals more threat to your ego and so on. Your subconscious actually makes things worse and tricks you into a total mental blockage.
Actually, you can put a stop to this downward spiral. Come up with 10 really daft ideas instead. Remember your 10 ideas daily exercise is not for public consumption so why would you feel embarrassed or ridicule anyway? Unless the power is so strong that you do this to yourself.
In the next step, you mark the second column with First Steps and write down what you need to do to put this idea into motion. For example, when Richard Branson came up with the idea to start an airline – he had been disgruntled by several airline services- his first step was to ring Boing. There is no such thing as too daft or too grand an idea so there is the first step for any idea you come up with. Always remember this is an exercise so nobody will hold you accountable for anything it is for your benefit only.
Inspired by Tim Ferriss book ´Tools of Titans`
#2 Wisdom is asking
Wisdom, like intelligence, is multidimensional: cognitive, reflective and compassionate.
The cognitive element helps to uncover the deeper meaning of something. Because wise people always try to understand themselves and others better, they ask questions. A wise person does not believe in the unpredictability of life and knows she will never fully understand everything. Socrates states, the admittance of his own ignorance made him the wisest man on earth.
The reflective element enables us to stay open to multiple perspectives. The reflective element is instrumental to being able to put the ego aside and obtaining the bigger picture. Wise people are able to see a situation through the lens of the other person and can see themselves from the other person perspective. Wise people have enough self-awareness to acknowledge their own positive and not-so-positive qualities.
The compassionate element enables us to think about other people rather than spinning around ourselves. Without compassion, someone can not be wise. Someone who has great insight into human behaviour but does not care about others can not be called wise, this person could be a good cult leader but also an unscrupulous salesperson.
Wisdom is nothing you can find in or learn from books, life is our best teacher, stay curious and open-minded. As a rule of thumb never stop asking questions and you will be wiser every day.
Speed-Read
Write down 10 ideas every day on a pad or scrapbook, this will increase your confidence to come up with spontaneous ideas
Wisdom is nothing you can find in or learn from books, life is the best teacher, stay curious and open-minded
Role model the ideal outcome of a difficult situation and to think of yourself as better than the situation you are in
Set boundaries, by limiting the time you give a situation and by recognizing your triggers
We paint picture-perfect images of others, but refuse to look behind the facade or acknowledge that our own daily battles with inner turmoil, dark thoughts, self-doubt could be part of the other person´s life as well
You do not need to commit to be perfect, because nobody is, we are all in a perpetual learning phase
Being constantly busy and a continous lack of time means you have a problem with self management and prioritizing
#3 Rise above the situation
Are you are getting just so frustrated with certain behaviour, certain people around you, or certain situations you find yourself in. You feel like hitting a wall. Very often, the go-to reaction is to lower yourselves to the energy level of that situation because you feel you have no other options left.
It is an easy solution but, heavily used but, not a very good one. Meeting a difficult situation at its low level – like answering defensiveness with being defensive – might bring a short term feeling of having won, but in the long term, this feeling and the actual problem remains unsolved.
A better idea is to role model the ideal outcome of that difficult situation and think of yourself as better than the situation you are in.
Set boundaries, by limiting the time you give a situation and by recognizing your triggers. Work proactively on how to avoid them altogether and how not to react to them.
Compartmentalizing situations can help to reshape a situation. It is you who decides how much room you give a situation in your world. It is also you who decides if you label a situation as destructive or as a well-needed event to help your own growth.
Everybody can build the confidence to handle irritating situations with the conscious learning of strategies like setting boundaries, role modelling and not to lower down to someone else’s level. With the right tools at hand, you truly have control of a situation, your life and your energy.
inspired by, Charlotte Ferreux, Coach
#4 Everybody is faking it
Do you know the queer feeling that you are just not good enough. You have the idea that everybody but you is happy, accomplished, wise, informed, successful and so on. Wrong, rest assured we all have issues we battle with, but some of us are just better at hiding them or `faking it´.
Throughout history, really successful people were seemingly more intelligent, better informed, without problems, with more luck and whatnot, and of course always on top of any situation. Really?
The fact is we see others one-dimensional, the success, being polished or being super perfect, we fill up any gaps of the picture with false images. We do this by using our very own, not bias-free, filter.
We paint picture-perfect images of others, especially thoise we admire. However, refuse to look behind the facade or acknowledge that our own daily battles with inner turmoil, dark thoughts, self-doubt could be part of the other person´s life as well.
Crafting an image of being powerful, polished and perfected is nothing new, exposing the vulnerable side was never considered appropriate, condemned as weak and sometimes even life-threatening. Faking it was always a tool for survival and success.
Admittedly the rise of social media added a new twist. The 24/7 happy person, with success in every pursuit, inclusive of the perfect body, and flawless face has set a dangerous benchmark. There is no room for weakness, struggles or failure we fail to include that this other person is just as vulnerable, desperate or unsuccessful in certain areas as we are.
Once we acknowledge that there are far too many fake images out there and far away from the real truth and made peace with the idea that absolutely nobody is perfect, whatever the image, we can make the choices that are truly beneficial to us.
Throw your dreams into space like a kite, and you don´t know what it will bring back, a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country
Anais Nin
#5 You are going to be OK
You have just taken the brave decision to get more involved in planning your finances, you arranged to meet your financial advisor and you are scared as hell.
Your main concern is your advisor will think of you as a fraud and will think you are waisting his time
You feeel you have no right to ask questions or interfere in his decision making
You only got lucky that he wants to see you
You fear that he will find out that numbers are not your strength and the dealings of the fiancial market are black magic to you
You are second guessing yourself and think his other clients are more knowledgable and he will not take you serious.
Assuming you generally knowledge, you know whats going on in the world, you have many interests, you get help when you need it and ask questions if you need more information – that makes you well equipped to play an active role in making decisions over your financial feeling. The underlying feeling here is one of feeling unworthy and being a perfectionist.
You do not need to commit to be perfect, because nobody is, we are all in a perpetual learning phase. The unequivocal truth is “You Are Going To Be Ok”
#6 Stop being busy all the time
Are you the busy type, always running out of time and never having time? I really do hope not, because this would be a clear indication that you are out of control.
A lack of time means you have a problem with prioritizing. Being constantly “busy” is a choice and thu does not entail the right to complain, it is after all self inflicted. Rather evaluate the choices, systems and rules you´ve put upon yourself, and prioritize. Promise, you´ll leave a better impression and become more agreeable once you have made some changes and have time available.
